


Try to be whole again

by michonnesboys



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, OT3, Polyamory, Rixonne, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24669217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michonnesboys/pseuds/michonnesboys
Summary: Au in which Michonne and Rick were already together before the apocalypse and were split up during the world ending. They both must go on with the idea they lost each other. When Michonne arrives at the prison nothing goes back to normal while Rick is going through his psychotic phase. Yet this gives her time to figure out the mysterious archer, Daryl Dixion.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Michonne, Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes/Michonne, Rick Grimes/Michonne
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is mainly my excuse to write domestic Richonne 🥺

Chapter one : Before the first bomb

•••

A heart is not a box that you fill up  
it expands the more you love  
-samantha 

•••

At the brush of soft lips on subtle, exposed skin, Michonne’s eyes blinked open. She squinted at the blinding light pouring in through the raised blinds of her bedroom window, inhaled the earthy tang of freshly cut grass, and lightly nudged her elbow into Rick’s arm as he continued to press lazy morning kisses to the curve of her shoulder. It was Monday morning, and as much as she hated her responsibilities that came along with the start of the work week, she adored any day she got to wake up next to Rick Grimes in all his early morning glory. Rolling over into the arm he had wrapped possessively around her waist, she was met face to face with her lover. Her hand automatically cupped his face, a thumb rubbing over the rosy splotches of his cheek, his head tilting to kiss at her wrist. His blue eyes were still glossed with sleep but the corners still crinkled all the same when he smiled down at her. 

They shared a kiss. A kiss that was well known and perfected from that of their first clumsy attempt. It had been all teeth and bubbling excitement to finally just feel that longed for skin on skin contact, but now it was something more sustained and real. Their lips molded together like it was their soul purpose to be together. It was easy for them to lose themselves in these kisses with Michonne’s soft lips and Rick’s roaming hands but the sound of an impatient knock on the door followed by the loud call of Michonne’s three year old son put a screeching halt to their moment. 

“Think it’s for you,” came Rick groggy southern drawl, that same smile playing on his lips but this time a small pinch of frustration.

The banging of a tiny fist on the door continued as Michonne stole a selfish peck from her boyfriend before sliding out of bed. One of Rick’s plain white tee shirts covered her along with a pair of boy shorts, giving the man behind her a free view of her toned legs. 

“Well so much for a few extra minutes,” she chuckled, already feeling the absence of her partner as she crossed the room to open the door.

The two had learned early on to start locking their door from the one time Andre had shown them his new skills with a doorknob to the time Carl had strolled in to ask about dinner while Michonne was in the midst of getting dressed. In other words, little kids had no boundaries. Once the door was unlocked and open, all of Michonne’s brief annoyance passed with the sight of her little boy’s face. He was quick to make grabby hands at the woman, almost asking for comfort in repayment for making him wait so long in the hall. She of course complied, picking him up and resting him on her hip. He babbled a few words of nonsense mixed in with the words ‘mama’ and ‘food’ while resting his head on her shoulder. 

“I’ll go get the boys ready. Don’t miss me too much.”

“I could help make breakfast if you want?”

Michonne looked over her shoulder at the gorgeous man still laying in bed, his head propped up on his elbow. She gave him a soft smile, pursing her lips as she pretended to think. Rick thought she looked pretty damn special like that, the sun hitting her in an angelic aura, child on her hip. He would sit back and stare at her like that for years if he was asked, just analyzing every detail of her in her most open and relaxed state besides when she was sleeping.

“I think I can handle it. Perhaps the boys would like a breakfast that’s a little less, how should I put this? Charred?”

Even though Andre had no clue what his mother was going on about, he giggled along with her snarky smile and the way Rick dramatically clutched his chest. He was aware his cooking wasn’t the best but in his defense, he was practically a grill mastermind. 

“That would explain Carl scraping his toast with a spoon, huh,” he made a face of false realization before Michonne shook her head at him in disbelief.

“Get ready for work. I’ve got the kids.”

“Roger that, Sweetheart.”

Rick felt his heart drop before starting to beat again as the woman left the room. Something about the way maternity seemed to ooze from Michonne drew him in like the moon beckoned the tide. The way she’d hold her son close to her and instantly soothe his innocent issues or how on the nights when Carl got to stay over she treated him like a son too. Rick would watch in awe at how Carl was so quick to tell the easy-going woman about his day at school or ask her for help with homework. When they watched movies as a family, she’d let him cozy up under her side until he dozed off and Rick had to risk a back injury to carry him to his room.

He loved the dynamic, the way they all fit the image of family. He loved Michonne and the way she loved her son and his.  
•••

Carl Grimes pressed up onto his tiptoes and reached with all his might for three of the plates on the second highest shelf of the cabinet. He wanted to help more than anything, while also proving he had gained an extra inch or two in the last month. When his fingers finally found the stack of plates, he was careful in the way he brought one down at a time. He patted himself on the back mentally before bringing the plates, and a colorful plastic one for Andre, to the table.

Andre clapped his palms down on the table with a giggle, shifting around in his seat as he repeated Carl’s name over and over. For some reason he just found it amusing. His attention shifted to his mother as she walked in with the food and silverware.

“Mommy? We have syrup toast?,” Andre tried to sit up taller to see the stack of french toast Michonne was bringing to the table, smiling widely when his suspicions were correct.

Michonne noticed the plates on the table and hummed in approval, reaching over to ruffle Carl’s hair once her hands were clear. “Helpful as always..,” she smiled at the way he seemed to brighten at her remark.

Carl Grimes was almost a perfect mixture of his parents with eyes like Lori and the determination of his father. Seeing him next to Rick, you could see the resemblance but if someone were to say it wasn’t his kid it wouldn’t be hard to convince you. Yet when Carl stood between his mother and his father, all the pieces seemed to click into place: Lori’s hair, Rick’s smile, her complexion, his nose. 

He didn’t like to cry in front of people, especially his father, and Michonne had once or twice walked in on him sniffling to himself after Rick and Lori would have heated conversations about his well being. Just as quickly as he could be loud and bubbly, he could also shut down the moment things get too rough. What do you expect to happen when you’re being dragged into your parents petty divorce drama at the age of ten?

But Michonne loved him, she truly did. She adored watching his father’s spirit bloom inside of him, adored hearing him ramble about his favorite super villains, adored how concentrated he could become when trying to learn something new. She just wanted to see him grow and be able to learn about herself through him the way she was learning about herself through her own son. Being a mother was the most complex thing Michonne had ever tried to understand, and she understood a lot of things. Her biggest question was the matter of how a heart could be so complete and full, yet still yearn to love further. The first days of giving birth to Andre Anthony were the most bittersweet. Michonne swore that loving him hurt so much due to the fact every time she looked at him she wanted to hold him so tightly until he became one with her again, a part of her again. 

That constant internal conflict of never wanting to give him up to the world was a moment she would deem as selfish but as she looked over the dinning table, she realized the selfishness never left, only worsened because she felt the same about Carl. 

•••

Michonne looked up at her son from where she was kneeling in front of him, just finished with tying the laces of his shoes. She placed warm hands on his arms, holding him in place as she checked over his outfit once more. It was nothing too fancy but still very adorable. 

“Now if you have to potty, you do what?”

Andre chewed at his bottom lip as he thought before saying, “I tell the teacher.” It came out as more of a question but Michonne rewarded his answer with a kiss on the nose.

“Good job baby, but if you have an accident it’s okay too right?” The mother picked a piece of lint off of the boy’s shirt as he nodded. “That’s right because you are trying your best and no one at the daycare should make you feel bad about it.”

Andre was on the brink of being potty trained and Michonne blamed her hectic schedule for the rate at which he was improving. His first time wearing regular underwear to school had gone smoothly until he went down for naptime and woke up to an accident. Michonne had come in early to pick him up since she was having a slow day and walked into a mortified Andre in wet shorts being yelled at for not speaking up about having to pee. 

Of course Michonne was livid and although Rick had gotten an earful of what she had said (along with the not-so-kid friendly things she had wanted to say) she realized she couldn’t take her son away from the daycare. There were no other decent ones in the area and finding an everyday babysitter was a little superfluous in her opinion. 

“And if at any time you feel afraid or someone makes you really sad, what do you ask?”

“Ask to call mommy,” this answer was rewarded with another kiss.

“Yup, because mommy will always be there to protect you no matter what. She’d never ever want to see you upset or hurt.”

Andre giggled and held up a tiny pinkie, “Promise?”

Michonne kissed the boy’s tiny finger, lowering her voice to whisper a small, “Promise. Cross my heart.”

She sent the little boy off to go with Carl and brush his teeth, standing and dusting herself off. By now she was dressed in her pencil skirt, blouse, and blazer for work. She loved her job as a family lawyer especially since she aided Rick in finding the right information to gain joint custody over Carl. What she didn’t like were the heels and the unpredictability of work hours. Being away from her boyfriend for longer periods of time than usual always left her feeling drained. 

Rick stood behind Michonne now, placing a hand on her waist. She leaned into it, taking in the scent of his cologne and the starchy feel of his sheriff’s uniform. He dipped his head to kiss the side of her neck, brushing away her locs momentarily to do so. She hummed in approval, both of them stopping abruptly at the sound of a loud thud upstairs.

“Carl..,” Rick raised his voice slightly to call up the stairs, both parents listening to the laughs that followed. “What are you two gettin’ into?”

“Nothing!,” came Carl’s muffled voice and Andre’s shriek of enjoyment.

Michonne turned and pushed Rick out at arm’s length to look at him, admiring his toned build, his slight tan, and the way his curls were still damp from his shower. She busied herself with adjusting his star badge just to get an extra second to look at him.

“Just boys being boys.”

Rick shook his head with a loving smile, “Oh is that it?”

“Whatever keeps them busy, right?”

Rick cupped her cheek and pulled her in for a kiss, then another, and one more for the road. She held his wrist, thumbing the band of his watch, willing for them to never have to part.

“I outa get going, get Carl to school,” he seemed reluctant but he pulled away from the woman nonetheless.

“I’m still picking him up today?”

“Mhmm, unless you can’t?”

“No, I can. If I can’t spend time with the sheriff the least I can do is get ice cream with his son.” She grinned and picked at an imaginary lint on his shirt.

“Is that how you won him over? Sweets?” Rick seemed amused.

“Kids just find me funny. Can’t blame them, I’m practically sweating charm and sophistication.”

Rick laughed and called up the stairs again for his son and Andre’ before kissing Michonne again. The boys came barreling down the stairs almost as if they were racing, Andre with a bag too big for him and Carl with toothpaste at the corner of his mouth. Michonne licked her thumb and rubbed at his face as soon as he was in her reach, making him groan and complain dramatically.

“Gross!”

“What’s gross is the crust on your face. Can’t get a date with dirt on your face just saying,” Michonne shrugged and let him go.

“Girls have cooties..”

“And boy’s have boogers,” she stuck her tongue out at him, “besides, you can’t be a superhero either. I wouldn’t want to be saved by captain toothpaste face.”

“Alright kids, that’s enough.” Rick playfully rolled his eyes, getting the finger from Michonne while the kids weren’t paying attention.

Rick told Carl to go wait in the car to which the brunette complied. The man picked up Andre and pressed a kiss to the boy’s forehead as he carried him out to Michonne’s car while she locked up the house. This is where they split paths, Rick taking Carl to school and Michonne taking Andre to daycare. The worst part of the day, for all of them. 

When the kids were buckled into their respective transportations, Rick and Michonne stood together in between them. Carl watched them from where he sat, sneaking a piece of gum from his father’s secret stash. Sometimes he found it comical how his dad and Michonne liked to say goodbye like it was the last time they would ever see each other again. Carl hoped that never happened. Once he had a nightmare they broke up and he was forced to live with his mom and Shane forever but Rick had assured him that Michonne was here to stay. Still, it was like everyone was waiting for things to fall apart. People like his mother said it would never last but by the way the two were clinging to each other now like it was their last goodbye, he could tell Lori Grimes (soon to be Lori Walsh), was wrong.

“You swear you won’t make tonight another overnight ordeal?”

“Of course not, I’m picking up Carl, remember?”

“Yeah but you’ve gone back to work before.”

“I can’t promise that I won’t have a lot of work Rick.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to do it all in one night. I miss you.”

Michonne looped a finger through one of Rick’s belt loops and pulled him in to kiss his cheek. “How about you just focus on staying safe at work, yeah?”

“Danger comes with being a cop.”

“And late nights come with being a lawyer,” she raised an accusing eyebrow as he sighed.

They shared one more kiss before Michonne started to walk to her car. Rick rubbed a hand over his beard before he crossed over to Michonne, her name on his tongue.

“Yes, sheriff?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Do you wanna go out?”

Michonne laughed in confusion, “Rick I think we’re already ‘going out’.”

“No. I mean do you want to go out to dinner, maybe catch a movie.” Rick didn’t understand why he was nervous but he was. Michonne had always been able to make his stomach do backflips.

“And when will this be?”

“Saturday.”

“And the kids?”

“Carl can go over his mom’s , Andre can stay with Mike or I can pay the kid across the street to babysit. She’s like seventeen.”

“Okay.” Michonne nodded before patting her palm against his chest, “We’ll talk more tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah. Tonight.” Rick slipped her hand in his and kissed the top of her knuckles.

When the two were in their respective cars and driving on their way to work, Rick couldn’t help the grin still plastered on his face. Even after Carl was dropped off he couldn’t stop the joy from overflowing him. He felt like he was back in high school trying to ask out the popular girl on a date. He often felt like Michonne was out of his league but she always told him he was wrong and that it was the other way around. 

Rick parked his car in front of the station, signing softly when the sight of his best friend, Shane, talking to his ex wife in front of the building. Whatever they were talking about when unheard to Rick but he could see that same blushing smile Lori used to show him. Thoughts always crossed his mind about when Lori had initially felt her first butterfly for someone else and although Rick had been the one to break it off, it was obvious early on that they were not compatible. He forced himself to exit his car and walk past them into the station, only giving them a simple nod of acknowledgement.

He could tell today was going to be another long day but it would be worth it because he and Michonne would be planning their date that night. At least that was the initial plan that morning. Things quickly changed for the worse.


	2. Cancelled Plans

•••

As long as we don’t die,  
this is going to be one hell of a story.  
-John Green

•••

“What’s the difference between men and women?” Rick said this after a moment of chewing, handing over a napkin to his partner and best friend, Shane Walsh.

“This a joke?”

“No. Seriously.” 

They had been taking a moment to eat and recharge as things had been pretty quiet. The radio would buzz with static and a few updates every now and then but other than that, the two men were able to park their cop car in the graceful shade of an awning while they ate burgers and some fries from probably the greasiest place in town but Rick wasn’t planning on telling Michonne that last bit. 

Rick popped another fry into his mouth as he waited for Shane to answer his question. He seemed to be thinking it over, trying to figure out if it was a trap he was walking into but in the end he picked up a fry and dragged it through the ketchup on Rick’s burger. 

“Never met a woman who knew how to turn off a ligh’,” he started in a lighthearted tone, “born thinkin’ the switch only goes one way. On.”

Rick gave an airy chuckle, already feeling like Shane was ready to slide into one of his drawn out stories. He was right.

“I mean every woman I’ve ever let have a key...swear ta’ God.”

Shane always told comical stories like this to lighten the mood. He always said Rick was too serious or poked jokes about how he needed to loosen up. Rick was nodding along with Shane’s talk about women and light bulbs while he ate, observing how cool and collected this man really was. There was always some form of arrogance surrounding him in a thick aura that seemed to make women swoon when they were younger. 

Rick started to zone back in on his friend’s words when he shifted in his seat, really starting to get into it.

“So I say: Darlin’...maybe if you and every other pair of boobs on this planet just figure out tha’ the light switch, see it goes both ways- we wouldn’t have so much global warming.”

“And do you say that?”

Shane smiles a bit, “Uhh..I go with the polite version. Still man that earns me this look of loathing you would not believe.”

Rick nodded and decided against mentioning he had remembered all the looks of pure hatred Lori had shot him before and after their divorce. It was too late anyways, Shane was back to telling his very animated story.

“And that’s when the exorcist voice pops out. ‘You sound just like my damn father! Always talking about the power bill! Tellin’ me to turn off the damn lights!’.”

“So what do you say to that,” Rick rolled his eyes with a smile, going to wipe his mouth on the napkin he had balled in his fist.

“What I want to say is...bitch you mean to tell me you’ve been hearing this your whole life and you’re still too stupid to turn off a damn switch.”

Rick raised his eyebrows, knowing for certain Shane wouldn’t dare say that to a woman and soon both of them were laughing as Shane tried to finish his story.

“Of course I don’t say that-“

“That would be bad.”

Shane clicked his tongue, calming down a bit, “I go with the polite version there too.”

“Very wise.”

The mood in the car shifted a bit as their laughs died down. Rick could tell Shane had more on his mind than just lights, hell- so did he. 

“So how’s it with you and,” he was searching for a name, snapping his fingers, “Michelle?”

“Michonne. She’s- she’s good at turning off lights. I’m the one that sometimes forgets.”

Shane looked over at Rick as he tossed his napkin on top of his finished food, noticing Rick’s had barely been touched aside from his fries and a few sips from his soda. 

“It’s Lori man, me and her still aren’t on the best terms.” Rick hated bringing Shane into his talks about Lori. He knew they were together for the long haul now and he didn’t want to ruin his friend’s happiness but Shane was like a brother. He couldn’t just not talk about it with him.

“Look, I may have failed to amuse with my sermon but I did try...the least you could do is speak.”

Rick waved a hand in the air before he rubbed his brow with it, “That’s what Michonne’s always tellin’ me. ‘Speak to her’ ‘speak.’ And you’d think I was the most close mouthed sonofabitch if you ever heard Lori tell it.”

He sighed, trying to ease the headache that was starting to form in his temple. Shane was listening, scratching at his chin as he tried to answer.

“Do you express your thoughts? Do you share your feelings..that kind of stuff,” he smiled softly. He was trying his best to provide a sense of advice without picking sides between his best friend and his soon to be wife.

“The thing is- whenever I try, everything I say makes her impatient like she didn’ want to hear it after all. It’s like she’s pissed at me still after all this time and I don’t know why.”

Shane leaned his head back against the seat as he let Rick’s words surround him. He may have been silent about the issues but he wasn’t blind. He would hear the way they would bicker over the phone or how they snapped at each other between handing off Carl. Weirdly enough it was never about the oddness of Shane being with Lori, the anger was coming from somewhere else.

“Look man, that’s just shit you go through after a divorce. It’s a phase.” When Shane said it, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Rick or himself.

“Last time we spoke, when I picked Carl up- she said she wondered if I even cared about him at all. She said that in front of our kid,” he could feel his jaw clenching at the memory of it, “imagine going to school with that in your head.”

There was definitely an uncomfortable silence now and Shane was completely lost for words. He stared at the side of his best friend’s face, waiting and searching for something helpful to say. He’d admit, taking a stab at how much Rick cared for his son was a low blow. 

“Difference between men and women,” Rick continued, “I would never say something so cruel to her. Especially not in front of Carl.”

The radio beeped in warning, catching the attention of the two men. Shane silently thanked God for getting him out of this conversation. Both men packed up their food as the walkie buzzed about a grand theft auto along with the location and how the suspects were armed. Rick started up the car and Shane leaned out of the window to throw their food in the trash as the car began to skid off to the scene.

•••

Michonne sighed, taking a moment to rest her elbows on the edge of her desk and shove her face into her hands. She rubbed at her tired eyes with the heels of her palms. The woman had been answering phone calls since she got to work, multitasking them with the paperwork she barely made a dent in. Her stomach growled in hopes of food, still waiting on her to partake in the leftovers she had brought from home that were sitting in the breakroom’s mini fridge.

She wondered if Rick had eaten the lunch she had packed him or if it had been neglected as well. There had been many times where the man admitted to not eating at all and he would back up these confessions by raiding their fridge like an escaped prisoner on the run. She had scolded him over and over until she just decided to pack him lunch but now she stood in his shoes, ignoring her hunger and pushing herself to keep working, to finish enough work to be able to take her leisure time with her boyfriend.

As if manifesting his presence, Michonne’s cell phone buzzed in her pocket. On a normal day she wouldn’t have even looked at it but something felt off and her instincts insisted she see who was calling and sure enough it was the station. The door to the woman’s office was closed and she hurriedly answered the call, her panic rising when the person who had called wasn’t Rick but instead one of the other deputies he supervised.

“Yes, this is she. May I ask why you’re calling?”

Michonne heard the calmness of her voice but every fiber in her being felt like it was on fire with the conspiracy something horrible had happened. 

“Hello. I’m sorry to bother you Miss, but you were the first one on Sheriff Rick Grimes’ emergency contact list. There was an accident that just happened around half an hour ago where Rick was shot on duty. He’s already being taken to the emergency room as well.” 

Michonne was standing by the time the deputy, Carlton, had begun to inform her on which hospital Rick was located and that Shane was with him. She felt her anger rise like boiling water ready to spill over the sides at the fact that she was just now being informed, she was always the last one to be informed on these things. Her mind jumped to the time Rick had gotten his nose fractured, and the time a getaway car crashed into his and Shane’s cop car. She had been late on those incidents too. She hung up the phone and shoved it into her pocket, shutting down her computer and grabbing her things. Her mind raced with different scenarios of how she would blow up in Shane’s face for leaving her out of the loop again.

Getting to leave early went by smoothly, her boss trusted her and besides she was never one to leave in a rush unless it was an emergency, usually having to deal with her son. At the thought of her son she was quickly reminded she had about an hour until she had to pick up Carl from school along with Andre but at this moment all she was worried about was getting to where Rick was.

•••

Michonne heels clacked against the glossy linoleum floor of the hospital halls as she pushed through a set of double doors on a mission. There in the waiting room sat Shane and next to him, Lori. She bit back a curse word threatening to spill from her lips as she approached the couple, Shane in her line of fire.

“So what- I was just supposed to find out on my own about Rick then.” Michonne wasn’t thinking and her tone was definitely a questionable volume but she wanted answers. “Maybe wait until he didn’t show up at home?”

“Look. Michelle.”

“No. I’ve known you for about three and a half years and you still can’t get my name correct. The least you could do, Shane, is let me know when my boyfriend has been injured. I’m sick and tired of finding these things out from random men in the station.”

The man stood to regain his height, looking down on her a bit now. He rubbed a palm over his face, clearly trying to compose himself. Shane wasn’t a man to take attitude from any person, let alone a woman.

“There wasn’t time to call you and give you a damn play by play, I was busy gettin’ him here, makin’ sure he’d survive this shit.” He looked at her dead on, a look that Michonne really wasn’t appreciating. A look that told her that he wanted her to back down and accept the bullshit he was spoon feeding to her.

“But you had time to get Lori here, right?”

“Don’t start tha’.”

“Start what? I’m just evaluating my surroundings. You wanna argue with me right now, go back and forth to see who can be the loudest, Walsh? Be my guest but right now- all I care about is Rick. So could you please give me something to work with here?”

Shane huffed out a cloud of air, licking his bottom lip with a shake of his head.

“He’s fine..alive at least. He ain’t wakin’ up any time soon and they’re...they’re saying the whole ordeal has him in a coma and they don’t know how long he’ll be in it,” Shane’s features had softened.

He couldn’t shake the images out of his head, seeing Rick drop to the ground clutching his shoulder kept flashing in his head over and over. Shane could almost still feel the warmth of his friend’s blood on his hands when he was putting pressure on the wound. Michonne’s eyes were glossy but she nodded nonetheless and started to pace a bit just to keep herself from losing it at the thought of losing him.

“When can I see him?”

“They’re stitching him up right now, could be awhile,” Lori spoke up from her seat, voice as calm as a quiet sea.

“I have to pick up the kids in an hour so I’m going to run home and change, then pick up the boys.”

“Actually I wanted to talk to you about that,” Lori shifted in her seat a bit, brushing her bangs from her face, “It’s best if Carl comes home with us while Rick is healing, there’s no point in him staying over there if Rick isn’t.”

“What are you trying to say, exactly?”

“I’m saying that if Rick isn’t at home, it would be very inappropriate for my son to be staying over there with you. “

“Okay,” She let out a frustrated laugh, “He has to pack his things, so when do you want him,” Michonne didn’t have the energy to argue what Lori was trying to imply, she wanted the conversation over with.

“Tomorrow afternoon, after school is fine.”

“Should I make him dinner, or would that be too risky for your taste?”

Lori rolled her eyes, “Yeah, feed him. And Michonne, I’m not doing this to be a bitch, since you probably consider me one...if that’s what Rick has told you. I just think that if my son’s father is in critical condition...he would want to be around his mother during this hard time.”

“Oh I don’t disagree with you, that makes perfect sense. It’s the way you said it that pissed me off.” she turned to Shane, “Please call me if anything changes. Anything.”

It was the walk back out of the hospital that was the hardest for her. With her anger subsiding slowly along with the addrenline that always surged through her whenever she was in Shane and Lori’s presence, she felt like screaming. All the way to her car she kept reminding herself that being hurt came with Rick’s job description and he was a strong man. She kept telling herself that he would make it through this and it will just be another thing for her to yell at him about whenever he swore he was careful.

As soon as the woman slipped into her car and kicked off her shoes, she was crying. She didn’t know what inside of her was hurting the most. She was tired, that was one thing, frustrated, and worried. On top of her own sorrow she’d have to tell Carl about his dad and she was sure seeing one second of his sad eyes would send her into a fit of tears. So Michonne rested her head on her steering wheel, letting herself cry until her chest ached from heaving. He always turned out okay but Michonne just felt different about this time, it was serious. When she was calm enough to drive, she started creeping her way out of the semi-empty parking garage, her heart heavy.

•••

3 months ago »

“Sit still, you’re worse than your son,” Michonne playfully popped Rick on the shoulder with the comb she was using.

He squinted his eyes at her in the mirror, leaning back into the kitchen chair she had dragged into the bathroom. She met his eyes, smiling slightly before going back raking the comb through a section of hair she had parted, her other hand coming up with the scissors to trim the curls. She combed everything back and looked him in the mirror to check it over once then went back to shorten the sides some more.

“Y’know..I may be gettin’ a little old but I can still cut my hair.”

Michonne set the comb and scissors on the sink counter, running her finger through his freshly trimmed hair instead, admiring her handy work. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“I know. I like doing it. It makes me feel-“

“In control? Yeah I know all about your need to be in charge,” he turned in his chair at the sound of her laugh, pulling her skillfully into his lap.

Michonne rested a hand on his bare chest, trailing up to hook both of her arms around his neck. He smelled of body wash and a fruit scented shampoo and he looked like a dream with his hair trimmed and his face bare and smooth. She knew he’d grow it out if he could but that went against his job’s dress code, besides, Michonne preferred a bare face on him. 

“We can talk about my superiority complex or we can talk about your obsession with being babied.”

“Oh no, I think that’s still you. You’re a little overprotective hun’.”

“You’re a little reckless, hun’.”

Michonne grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him, melting into his lap as he deepened the kiss.

“I’m careful,” he said against her plush lips.

The woman sat up fully now, eyeing him in disbelief, “Your record for injuries is impressive. Careful isn’t the word I’d use.”

“You just won’t stop until I’m goin’ to work in knee pads and a helmet huh?”

“And a thick ass layer of bubble wrap. What can I say, I’m overprotective,” She winked at him and stood.

“Damn right you are.”

•••  
Now «  
Michonne pulled Carl into a hug, letting him bury his face into the tee shirt she had changed into. She could feel his tears soaking through the thin layer of material as she rubbed his back in the back of the Elementary School parking lot, shielding him from view with the car door.

“I know babe, we gotta be strong for your dad right? He’s going to be okay.”

She sat in the passenger seat, pulling the boy into her lap and closing the door. He hid his rosy face in the crook of her neck as she checked the rearview mirror to see Andre was still sleeping, his head drooping in an uncomfortable manner. She wished they could stay right here, stuck in time so no news, good or bad, could reach them. She loathed seeing Carl cry though and for a while it seemed as if he would never stop. She didn’t say anything, just combed her fingers through his hair and kissed the side of his head every now and then.

“How do you know?”

The quiet voice was muffled and broken but Michonne heard him over the deafening silence. 

“Look at me, Carl.” When the boy looked up she felt as if she would be sick with grief just by looking at his red eyes and even redder nose. She just wiped the tears away with her thumbs.

“Your dad is the strongest man I know, he’s going to get through this. I don’t know how long it’s going to take but he will...so we just have to be patient and try to be as strong as him. Yeah?”

“Yeah….Michonne?”

“Hm?”

“If dad- if my dad dies does that mean you’re going to leave me too?”

Michonne felt like the wind was knocked from her lungs as the boy asked her such a depressing question with the purest look of pain and innocence she had ever seen Carl possess. She didn’t fully know how to answer that question, the whole time she had been avoiding the thought of losing Rick. She was convinced it wasn’t possible.

“Baby, no. I wouldn’t leave you even if you asked me to.”

“But you said mom wants me to come home because dad isn’t home. If he- what if she never let’s me see you again? What if we move far far away?”

“Carl, I don’t care if she takes you to the moon, I love you and no matter where you are or where you go I’ll always be with you. Remember what I told Andre after he got lost in the mall that one time?”

Carl rubbed at his eyes, nodding a bit, “You said he didn’t have to be afraid if he got lost because you’d always come find him.”

Michonne pulled him into another hug, this time it was for her. She sighed softly.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me leaving you. I wouldn’t do that. I’m here for you just as much as I’m here for Rick. Even if your mom or Shane hid you away in a little cave, I’d find you. I’ll always find you.”

Her words seemed to calm Carl for the time being and she felt herself relax a bit at the idea that he was soothed. Soon they were on the road to the hospital, Carl fast asleep with his head resting on the window. She’d glance over at him every once in a while. Praying the day would never come where she’d have to part with him for real. To be separated from Carl would be a type of cruel and unusual punishment she didn’t want to face.


	3. Dried Roses

Chapter 3: Dried roses

•••

Life is a lot more  
fragile than we think  
-Haruki Murakami

•••

It was late when Michonne pressed her palm against the cool steel door that led to the recovery room, a mini backpack on her shoulder for her son. She had Andre on one hip and Carl following almost shyly behind her with a bouquet of pink roses in his clammy hand. The room was cold and quiet and in the midst of it lay Rick, unmoving and bone-chillingly peaceful. Then the boy at Michonne’s side reached for her hand, seeking comfort as his dad came into view. She gave the hand a squeeze as she continued to guide her boys into the room until they were standing at Rick’s bedside. 

He looked only a little paler than usual but he didn’t have the expression of someone in pain and that’s what Michonne forced herself to focus on. Her eyes darted between the different beeping monitors that seemed to speak a different language and she eyed the saline bag with loathing. The hospital gown on the man was parted just enough for her to get a glimpse of the bandage that was bulky and bright. He was breathing on his own and although shallow, it was enough for Michonne to imagine he was only sleeping and not in a coma.

She took the roses from Carl and laid them on the bedside table with a soft exhale, setting Andre on his feet. Both boys were eyeing her for some form of instruction or at least a word or two to break the deafening silence. Rick would have probably been making a joke about how awkward it was and Michonne’s lips twitched in the ghost of a smile.

“Carl, why don’t you take Andre to the vending machine I saw outside in the hall? You guys might see something you like.” She pulled a few dollars out of her wallet and handed it to the freckled boy.

“Yes ma’am,” Carl nodded, his blue eyes darting to his father for a split second before taking the younger boy’s hand and starting to exit the room.

“Don’t get into any mischief...please.”

There was a bit of appreciation in Carl’s eyes as if he was thankful for a few more moments of not having to see his father like this. But Michonne had sent them away for her own sake, needing a chance to let herself be sad at the sight before her and getting this moment alone would be the only way she could possibly stay strong for Carl.

She combed her fingers through Rick’s hair, letting out a broken sigh. 

“Oh Rick…,” she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead, “I really hate you right now… Mr. ‘I’m careful’.” 

Tears brimmed her eyes and she quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. She wanted him to wake up or give her some kind of sign that he had heard her. He always knew what to say at least that’s what it had felt like. Even when Rick Grimes was wrong, he had a way of making his words comforting and senseful. Now there was nothing but aggravating silence and taunting beeps. 

“You owe me a date Grimes…,” her bottom lip quivered, “I mean it. You can’t leave a girl hanging like this, asshole.”

Michonne swallowed before she stood, glancing towards the big window that showed a pretty skyline view. She couldn’t even remember the last time her and Rick had been on a proper date. It had to be months ago, maybe even a year but it had been special. Rick made everything feel special to her. She smiled at the thought of their last date: a simple drive-in movie. She had never been the wine and dine type so it had been perfect, just the two of them watching some cheesy chick flick.

Rick had put his childish commentary into almost every scene of the movie, both of them grinning every time Michonne begged him to hush. That moment had felt like the buzz of too much to drink, too loose to take anything seriously. She couldn’t even focus on the movie with the way the light bounced off the screen and danced in Rick’s blue eyes. 

‘You starin’ at me, woman?’

‘I’m allowed to stare. You’re pretty.’

He had clicked his tongue and brushed it off but even in the lowlight she could see how pink his cheeks were getting. Rick Grimes was a sucker for a few compliments.

Carl entered the room a bit later with Andre in tow. The little boy's mouth was covered in chocolate and so was the hand he was eating with, but his free hand was latched onto Carl’s tee shirt as if to not be left behind. Michonne had sat in one of the guest chairs and the brunette came and sat beside her, Andre crawling into her lap.

“You find anything, kiddo?,” Michonne asked while digging through her bag for a wet wipe for her son. 

Carl shrugged a bit and held a ‘Big Cat’ chocolate bar over to her, “Not really hungry so I brought this for you.”

She eyed him for a moment, watching how he swung his legs back and forth idly. She finished cleaning Andre up before taking the candy bar from Carl. She unwrapped it partially before pausing.

“Now you know I can’t eat all this by myself…”

“You could save some for later.”

“But we always share, Carl. It’ll hurt my feelings if we don’t,” She put on her best pouty face when the boy finally met her eye. 

His nose was red and so were his eyes and she could tell he had probably cried while he was on the trip she had sent him but nonetheless he took the other half of the chocolate bar and even broke a piece off for Andre when he held out a tiny, expecting hand. 

“Wanna tell me how school went now?”

•••

The next afternoon, Shane Walsh answered the front door to be greeted with the sight of Rick’s kid and Rick’s girlfriend, Michonne. He eyed them in confusion for a moment, still dazed with the nap he was pulled from. 

“Somethin’ the matter?”

Michonne resisted the urge to roll her eyes, “Lori asked for me to bring him home after school today. Remember?”

“Shit, that’s right. Sorry. Just woke up,” He yawned and rubbed at the dull ache in his temple as he watched Michonne pull Carl into a tight hug. 

He cleared his throat and waited for them to pull apart before he spoke, “Let getcha inside so you can wash up for bed, kid.”

Carl shuffled inside quietly with his head down, dragging a suitcase behind him filled with some of the things he liked to rotate from house to house. Michonne only nodded to Shane in farewell before getting back into her car and driving home. The sound of her pulling out of the driveway made Carl physically ill, even more so when Shane closed the door. 

“Your mama ain’t back from work yet, but there’s meatloaf in the fridge if you wanna eat.”

Carl shook his head and held up a plastic bag, “Michonne packed me some leftovers and I already ate before I came.”

Shane chuckled as he walked his way to the couch, it was a dry sort of laugh that mixed seamlessly with annoyance.

“You think you’re too good to eat our food?”

“No sir.”

“You sure as hell act like it,” he turned his attention towards the TV, “bring me a beer out the fridge, will ya?”

The boy crossed over to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. After he tucked the food Michonne made him towards the back, he pulled the bottom drawer out and grabbed Shane a beer. He pulled a face, remembering how yucky the liquid had been when he snuck a sip while Shane and Lori were knocked out. He quickly brought the bottle to the man before grabbing his suitcase and dragging it upstairs. He had to stop a few times because of the weight but he made it nonetheless. He silently cheered for himself on the way to his room.

It was blue and grey with a twin sized bed in the corner. He had a small box of toys, mainly legos, and a table to draw or do his homework at. He had his own bathroom complete with a small shower and a step stool by the sink. His name was above his door in cursive letters as well. Back at his dad’s house though, his room was a color he picked out and there were plenty of toys he could choose from, not just a small box of stuff he had outgrown, aside from his legos of course. Michonne and Rick encouraged him to be creative and let him hang his drawings and paintings on his wall around his bed which made him feel really good about himself.

Carl laid his suitcase down by the closet door but he didn’t unpack it. He didn’t know how long he would have to stay here but if he got to leave early, he wouldn’t want to have to repack everything back up. As of right now though, he pulled out a pair of his pajamas and headed towards his bathroom to get ready for bed. He showered and brushed his teeth, even combed through his hair to avoid it tangling like Michonne would constantly warn him about. When he crawled into bed and turned off his lamp, he felt lonelier than he usually did when he came over his mom’s house and the only thing he wanted to do right now was sleep. The problem here was, he couldn’t sleep, not when he kept thinking of his dad in that hospital bed, or how Michonne was probably lonely too now that it was just her and Andre. 

The boy climbed out of bed, into the hall, and grabbed the house phone from its place by the stairs. This wouldn’t be the first time the boy had called her before bed and every time he did he knew it wouldn’t be the last time. So he buried himself under his blanket and dialed the number he had burned into his brain, instantly letting out a breath of relief when he heard Michonne’s voice. 

“Let me guess...this is Carl,” she hummed. There was a rustling like she was getting into bed too, leaving a feeling of guilt in Carl’s stomach for bothering her.

“How can you always tell?”

“Who else would call to check on me this late at night?”

It was true of course, Carl usually called to ask her for a bedtime story. Michonne would invite him to cuddle with her and her son as she read to the toddler and soon Carl just got into the routine of being read to before lights out. Shane wasn’t a fan of the idea though and told him how he was getting ‘too damn old to be havin’ bedtime stories’ the one time Carl had asked him and his mom for one. So he just called Michonne instead.

“Did you already read to Andre?”

Michonne was smiling softly on the other end knowingly, “No actually. Peanut was already asleep when I got in the driveway. A real bummer too...I was going to read ‘If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”

Carl brought his thumb to his lips and bit at a hangnail there.

“Never heard of that one...maybe you should just read it to me so I can let you know if Andre would like it.”

“You’d do that for me?,” Michonne giggled at how Carl was once again avoiding asking straight out for a story, “You’re so kind.”

Though Carl never got to let her know if the book was any good because maybe two or three pages in he had already drifted off to sleep, completely hidden on his blanket cave, phone pressed between his ear and the mattress. Michonne didn’t stop reading until she heard the unmistakable sound of his soft snores crackling through the line, to which she shook her head and bid him a soft goodnight. She was having trouble sleeping herself but just hearing Carl sleep was enough for her.


End file.
